Spare the Rod with Susan Messing

SUSAN MESSING

Halle: just like Jesus welcomes every man into God's family. We have a real family man today. It is my pleasure to welcome to the program. Luke blessing. How are you? My 

Gray: friend? 

Susan: It's good to see you, Allie and good to see a gray. I got to say, uh, my children really are enjoying, Uh, your spirited conversations with them. They come, I, I, I think they might have a crush on you, but I got 17 kids. So you're going to have to pick one, 

Gray: that is right. I would say you're, you're a famous around, twin Hills because you do have the largest family at a campus, which, you know, is saying something with all the members that we have. And I think, I mean, I don't even know how many of the kids are in climax, but it's, it's maybe a Betty or a gaggle or maybe half a dozen.

Susan: I would say about 12 of them out of the 17. I don't want to be a name dropper for drop some, uh, some, some numbers on ya, but, uh, yeah, I got 17 kids and if Lavinia didn't have a prolapsed uterus, uh, we'd have a lot more, huh? 

Gray: So what leads someone to have 17 kids? I mean, that is, you know, it's just an 

Halle: impressive number, very Viera.

Susan: I'm going to say, very honestly, I enjoy, procreating. I got to say that, you know, we don't kiss before marriage. And so it's very exciting when you get a live woman in front of you for the rest of your life. It's pretty, it's pretty exciting. Uh, gotta say, uh, I have a little bit of a competitive spirit in me, so I do enjoy.

Having more children than someone else. I'm going to say it right now. You know, my quiver, my quiver is full. You know what I'm saying? I, you know what I'm saying? Right. You know what I'm saying? 

Gray: Yeah. 

Halle: The Bible talks about how we are to be fruitful and multiply. And the Bible also, you know, it doesn't have a bunch of parenting tips, but I always remind my kids that the Bible does say spare the rod, spoil the child, and that's why we're a spanking family.

Susan: You know, we don't want to spoil a kid. Right. You know, the rod, the child or whatever, you know what I mean?

I I'll give him a Hardy smack, you know, but they're girls, so, you know, a Hardy smack and send them. So I just want to be a little more careful, you know what I'm saying? But they get the point and that's the point is that they get the point with, uh, with the top of my rod and my staff. They comfort me. You know what I'm saying?

Especially when it, when it, when they get the point. 

Halle: Well, kids need to know who's in charge. It makes them feel safe, you know, to have specific boundaries and to know that, you know what, that's, how life works. There's going to be repercussions for your actions. You got to understand consequences before you get released out 

Gray: into the world.

Susan: Well, when you have 17 girls, uh, you, you know, it's very important that, uh, you take care of them. I mean, the umbrella of God go, you know, extends to first. I mean, I'm the I'm in charge. I gotta be in charge. So I got to make sure that you know, the wet goes on somebody else, you know what I mean? Not me because I got to keep my eyes clear so I can take care of my wife and my girls.

 You know, this is all for the glory of God, all for the glory of God. 

Gray: W would you tell us the name?

Susan: Okay. We've got Lulu Lacy, Lonnie, Lydia, Laurel, Laura, Lola, Loretta Lizbeth, Louisa Lena with two E's Layla, Lily, Lucille Lena with one E Lee layer and then lyric of course. So we would've had more ELLs, but you know, but unfortunately, My wife has a prolapsed uterus, 

and I'm a little upset, uh, that.

we didn't have some quiet time together and make some more children, but, you know, we'll do our best right. 

Gray: I guess first I have one big question and one smaller question. Uh, the smaller question being, how do you differentiate between Lena with two ears and one ear when you're just calling them? SciFest upper.

Susan: I say Lena with, to ease Lena with 

Wani. If the, two week comes and I said Wani and she wasn't listening, there's going to be consequences. 

Gray: Okay. Okay. And then I guess my other question is, you know, you've got this awesome big family of ladies and you're, you're there in the driver's seat. And I love that metaphor of you're the umbrella. And I just wanted to know. Really why we had you on today is because, you know, you did email us and say that you currently you've got some big news and you said, well, you said big Hollywood news in the subject line.

 So what's the big news with, uh, with the family right now.

Susan: Well, you know, the Duggars have 19 children, the Bates seven 19 children, but you know, you gotta capitalize on, you know, God spoke to me cause he got to capitalize on, uh, what's happening. Let's face it. Josh Juggers, going to prison, the Duggars are done. 

So I wanted, I, I went to Los Angeles with the children and Lavenia last week. . We had three motel rooms, which was pretty exciting. we stayed, We stayed at the motel seven, I don't know, you know, much about Hollywood, but I know there's a lot of highways and we stayed off of one. Uh, I think it was on the five in the center of, uh, the, the state, which was nice.

And I did a few pitching sessions for a TV show, featuring my family, spreading the joy and love of God and 

Gray: That sounds fantastic. Congratulations on pitching a TV 

Halle: show. That's incredible. And work. Where were you pitching to Christian networks or were you pitching to these more like wicked Hollywood producers?

Susan: Well, you know, I, I wasn't exactly sure. Initially who I was pitching to. I was given a list of. Places. And, uh, the, my first place that I landed was a place called B E T. . It was an, an error on my waist, you know, but then you learn a little more, uh, I, uh, I enjoyed, I tried to pitch to up and. TLC, they're not buying. but you know, then again, there's YouTube channels and exciting things. And down the pike, you know, uh, major networks like Netflix and another one called Amazon prime. I've never heard of that before, but I thought that was fun. And, uh, again, I've sent it to the major networks as well. ABC NBC, CBS, you know, a lot of it is a tape submission, but when you bring the whole family in matching outfits in there to drop off your video tape, it's pretty exciting.

Gray: you go into these places and you drop off a tape

Susan: certainly do a, a solid video tape. We even dropped it off at that Scientology place. Cause they've got their own TV, TV station as well. I figured, you know, might not be what we do, uh, but certainly their spiritual and it is a religion. So it was very exciting to drop things off there. I, We couldn't stay for a test because we were double-parked 

Gray: you know, I did one to two in the email that you sent. It said all inquiries can be sent through Saul clef, Baum of the little star make as agency. I mean, that sounded like you had a Hollywood agent now, which is great.

Susan: Well, he reached out to us. He saw us. I think it was two years ago, we took a, a trip to a Dollywood and,, we saw him and, uh, he was, seemed like a very nice man and he handed us his card. And since then people call him the ambulance chaser of, of a. So I guess he finds people, he chases him down and, uh, you're his, 

Gray: yeah, because I was confused. I did hit reply on the email and then he billed me for $25 to, to reply to him, which I didn't really understand because I, I was trying to book you on this.

Susan: I understand. And I, and you know, if I, I will understand if you take umbrage to that and you would like me to, uh, you know, give you some tokens for the Chucky cheese or whatever you need. To, to be paid back, uh, you know, 

certainly not in cash, but

maybe in trade, the, my kids can clean your house in 15 minutes. 

Halle: oh wow. They come in like a swarm of locusts and just.

Susan: We have a hazmat cleaning business and, uh, I feel like it's important for the children to be exposed to the sins of the world. So, uh, you know, you get in clean up some blood, get out and, uh, thank the Lord for the opportunity to start. 

Gray: I think that is a great TV show. I mean, I would be so curious to watch, , 17 children cleaning up these sites uh, it's really a great metaphor for Christ and what he's doing to us when you've got, , a teenager in a hazmat suit, cleaning up some blood it's almost the metaphorical equivalent of Christ, you know, spilling his blood in order to clean, uh, souls up in that.

Halle: Right.

Susan: know, the, the children are seeing things that in some reason, you know, in some, some respects it's a little disturbing. I have to say that, you know, most of the people who've gotten murdered, uh, have probably deserved it because they have not accepted Christ as their savior. So it's a good lesson to them when they see something that, oh, I'm just going to say it right now.

It resembles brains on the. They're going to pick it up and they're going to realize you did not bring Christ into your life. I mean, I certainly am not a perfect man. but I feel like if my kid. Happened to see what happens when you don't bring it's almost like let's face it. John F. Kennedy was a Catholic. And what happened? 

Gray: Yeah. . 

Halle: I never thought about that. 

Susan: Well, I was thinking about brains and it 

brought me to that. 

  I had a, uh, an accident when I was 12, uh, an anvil. Fell on my head. So I, it was a little hard for me to take standardized tests, but other than that, I'm, I'm a hundred percent for the Lord.

The Lord saved me and brought me back. My brain, uh, the whole right side of my head was crushed. Uh, but for some reason they managed to kind of pop it out, almost like a fender that gets hit. You know, they, they did something with my. So that Lavinia would find me pleasing to the eye. Not that it was, you know, that that's necessary to accept me as the patriarchal leader of the family., 

Halle: I mean, the Bible says very clearly the man is the head of the household. 

Gray: and in your case, you know, you had, was sort of half ahead and then you got the, the rest of it popped back in, I 

Susan: We popped it back. And then I went on a, on a mission to Honduras. Once I finished up my homeschooling, uh, and got my certificate, uh, not sure where it's recognized in the United States, but it certainly is recognized in the church. And that's all that 

Gray: How does someone get an anvil on the head? That almost sounds like a loony tunes to something 

Susan: I wouldn't know what you mean by Looney tunes. I not exactly sure what that means.

We, we don't watch cartoons. Um, although we do watch VeggieTales a little bit,

Halle: you're lucky. You're not a vegetable. 

Gray: That's right. 

Halle: Now, , Luke, I've taken a lot of my parenting, wisdom from James Dobson out in Colorado Springs and the focus on the family curriculum. But what do you do to keep, to, to protect the sexual purity of 17 females? When you know these, uh, these, uh, boys with, you know, pole vault and around on their erections, just trying to trip into one of your girls, uh, you know, genitals, how do you protect.

Susan: Well, obviously we have standards of dress and codes of behavior, a Lulu Lacy, Lonnie, Lydia, Laurel, Laura, lo LA Loretta Lizbeth, Louisa Lena with Tooheys Layla, Lily, Lucile, Lena with one, a layup and lyric, they're godly women and, uh, they know that there are ramifications for not being pure as.

You know, I, I, you know, in the Bible we talk about stoning a whore. Right. You know, so, and, and I'm, we've got a lot of rocks on our property. I would, I hate to say it, but if I lost one, because they were a sinful woman by stoning her, uh, I would have 16 other daughters. And if, again, if my wife didn't have a prolapsed, uterus, I would, we would have at 19 20, 25 right now, I mean, we'd have a lot of children. 

Gray: I just noticed that time too. You have a Lola and a Layla that's that's also, there's a okay. Pretty close. You know, I did want to ask you about, , there's something that keeps happening at climax. And, um, I w I was a bit curious because your is oftentimes in, there are very easy to spot because they always wear the same thing. They're all 

Susan: always wear the same. 

Gray: Yeah. It's 

Susan: They were, they were a light green, t-shirt a lime. We call it a lime green t-shirt and a Jean skirt that goes to the ankle 

Gray: Yes.

Susan: and they all wear and they all wear flip-flops 

Gray: Even in the winter. 

Susan: sure. 

Gray: Yeah. And you know, something that keeps happening at climax and I'm I'm, I don't really understand what, what they're doing because they almost behave like a school of fish or something is they, they they'll, they'll sort of make a high pitch scream and there'll be like blessing storm or something. And they all sort of circle around, uh, usually a boy and, and get in sort of a crazy whipped up scrum as they run around and their lime green shirts. And it is a bit intimidating. And, um, I'm not really sure what that is or what that behavior is because at times they're kind of like a pack of, of animals doing their own thing.

Susan: Well, there are there, I mean, you know, they're very close. They're all related. They're all sisters, you know, same mother, same father. And they all have pretty much the same thoughts or certainly this, the thoughts that, you know, and if they don't have the same thoughts, I will put them in the prayer closet until they, you know, come around and they have the same thoughts.

So they noticed they finish each other's sentences almost as if they are, you know, co-joined twins or something like that, but there's 17 of them. And even the youngest one lyric, uh, she's only two lyric, uh, can, can do as well as her sisters. You know, they just pull them in, they raise each other. I mean, I've got to tell you Right. now, since Lavinia has had a prolapsed, You know, uh, uterus, Lulu and Lacey and Lonnie have really taken over the major.

Raising of the other children. So when they go in a circle, it's almost an, a right to spring that like one of those dances, it's not pagan, of course, it's, it's honoring Jesus almost like a, how a squid will release some ink or an octopus, we'll release some ink to keep them away.

These girls with their high pitched sounds are trying to get. Sound of masculinity away until I of course assigned them. Lulu and Lacey are in courtships right now. Uh, certainly mandated by me. I like order and a house.

And that's why we wear the same thing. That's why we do the same thing. It's why we pretty much eat almost the same things. 

Gray: Oh, what do you 

mean? 

Susan: A lot of ramen. 

Gray: Oh, 

Halle: yeah. I love ramen. 

Gray: This is making sense to me now because yeah, I did notice whenever, . Uh, a boy tries to talk to one of them. They sort of get into this frenzy and they, , they make the high pitched noise and they run around and tell the boy, you know, either leaves or, , collapses or cries.

Susan: Yes. Some of them have even lost their bowels before. I mean, they've, they've been terrified and as well, they should be because I'll hunt them down. And you know what? My daughters will clean everything up because we work for a husband. 

Halle: Has anyone ever, um, pointed out that, uh, you, you had 17 girls? I mean, does anyone give you a hard time saying, oh, you couldn't put the stem on the old apple? You couldn't put the, trunk on the tree 

or the, cucumber salad or the, put a pipe on the plumbing. 

Gray: Anybody say, I guess I've

Susan: I'll tell you, 

I'm going to tell you right now, cause that's pretty, um, emasculating and it's no place for you to say anything like that, but I will say this I'm pretty competitive and I don't think that.

there should be another man. So I've probably willed an XX for 

every one of those 

Halle: to have all girls, you didn't, you didn't hand over that. Y chromosome.

Susan: Nope. 

Halle: Okay. Not a male dog, not a male hamster or turtle in the house. Nothing. 

Susan: Nope. Even our dogs or girls. I don't want them to see dog penis. I think. 

Halle: Well, something is very odd with a dog penis. I'm going to say, when you see that red lipstick come out, it is 

Susan: I do not think you have any right Halle to mention anything about a man or a dog's appendages. 

Halle: It's understandable. 

Gray: Just circling back briefly to, the TV show pitch. What is the show really about?

What, what would we get to see in, in the TV?

Susan: Well, you would see us in the morning. You would see, uh, Lulu, Lacey and Lonnie getting the girls up. You would see me,, well flipping my wife, you know, so she doesn't get bedsores. Um, you would see a prayer in the more. Around our bed. Then you would see the girls getting the other girls, uh, making breakfast.

Then you would see us all get into the van, and go over to whatever hazmat site we have that day. Whether it be a murder or a double murder, double murder, suicide, a double murder, suicide, a drowning, a bunch of stuff. Sometimes we have to clean out a pool. Sometimes we have to just clean out a garage, you know? 

Gray: I'm sorry, I didn't realize your wife was a bedridden. 

Susan: We have a striker frame. It's a frame that my wife sits inside. Like she's the center of a sandwich and we turn it, uh, every couple of hours to make sure that, you know, sometimes she's facing the ground, but I always put the Bible so that she can see. 

Gray: But so she 

Halle: actually has from 17 pregnancies. She's now completely 

Gray: bedridden.

Susan: Yes. Uh, it's not just a prolapsed uterus. Something happened where I don't know if it's ribs. I 

don't know what lady parts are. I'm not going to get dive into that, but there's something below there that just didn't work anymore. Whether it was a spinal issue, she can stand, but we'll have to kind of her legs just kind of dead.

And I'm not saying that. I don't love my wife because I love my wife, but there are needs that a man needs you know what I'm saying? So it's a, little, I'm going to say sometimes I'm a little frustrated, but then I remember Jesus and I comfort myself with Matthew 13 and I'll be fine. 

So we're of the seeds. 

Gray: oh, oh. What a great parable for 

Halle: you're.

So in your seats so many 

Susan: Well, I was, I was, and then the seeds, just, you know, if you use them a year after the expiration date, sometimes they don't, you know, uh, what's it called again? Germinate 

Halle: Yeah

Susan: I I'm, I'm sorry if I sound a little angry, uh, again, when you can't sow your seed in the way that God intended, uh, you can get frustrated. I'm full of seed. 

Gray: Yeah. Have you ever considered adoption?

Susan: Wow. 

Gray: I M 

Susan: I got kids that look like me and look like my wife, the people might call them vanity babies. I'm calling them children of the children of the Lord. Someone actually called them the other day, children of the corn, you know what I had with me, a softball bat, you know what happened? 

Halle: Okay. 

I think it's such a shame that you couldn't, you know, fulfill your dream of having more kids. But speaking as a mom who has, uh, carried kids to term, you know what? I had never thought of it, but I, I didn't have a great time being pregnant.

And I have found motherhood in general, extremely challenging as well. 

 But, uh, I I've got, I've got girls too, and you know, girls are 

tough to raise they're sensitive. 

Susan: what are your ages of your girls? 

Gray: Well, 

Halle: they're all younger than my teenage son. And man, I just trying to get through these, you know, teenagers first, you think we just gotta get out of the diapers years, you know? And then it's like, oh, we gotta get out of the teen years. How many do you have in diapers right now, 

Gray: Luke?

Susan: Uh, 1, 2, 3, 4, plus Levenia. 

Halle: And are you the type of, uh, engaged father who gets in there rolls up your shirt sleeves and does the diapers and throws them in the diaper genie? Or do you mostly leave that 

Gray: to your wife?

Susan: Oh, no Lavinia. Can't again, a Lavinia can't leave the bed. She can, she can change a child when she's flipped on her stomach. You know, you just put one underneath her, but otherwise it's Lulu Lacey and Lonnie's job to change the dies that as a matter of fact, uh, Lucille can change your own diaper, which is pretty exciting.

Gray: Well, it's been so nice speaking with you, Luke, and we just pray for you 

Susan: Oh my goodness. Oh my goodness. So my goodness, little star makers agency, uh, just texted me. There is a, well, we put a little fish in a pond and and we're gonna, we're gonna make some, uh, fish and loaves and wishes coming. True. I think. We just got our videotape into Magnolia network, which was really difficult to do.

Cause chip and Joanna Gaines are very busy all the time, but I think we might be taking a road trip to Waco, to pitch a little 

Gray: Amazing. 

Susan: luck.